Coat: Toteme, Jeans: Paige, Jumper: Levis (similar), Boots: Dr Martens, Bag: Sezane
Over the years of taking picture after picture of myself and scrutinising every inch, it's safe to say i've become critical AF. I'm obsessed with things about myself 'not being good enough' and it got me thinking about how awful we can be to ourselves. I would NEVER talk to anyone else the way I mentally talk to myself so why do I do it? Why are we so self-critical? Why can't we just be happy and accepting of ourselves and not constantly be comparing, judging and wishing for something more (or less)?
I wouldn't categorise myself as a self-loather particularly, and to be quite honest days when I hate everything about myself are quite rare, because over the years i've learnt a lot and I've chosen to accept myself for what I am (which I definitely think comes with age). I will never be one of those girls that always looks done, and neat, with un-creased clothes and not a hair out of place. I'll never be one of those who is always cool, calm and collected, who rarely says or does the wrong thing. I'll never be really thin, or the perfect height with the perfect face of make up, I'll never have long, thick, bouncy hair and I'll never not have a head the size of a pea. I'll always be the girl whose hair is a bit of a mess, whose make-up is sliding off her face, and who looks a bit shiny or a bit dry (because heaven forbid actually just looking ideally hydrated). I'll always be the girl who wears an all white outfit only to spill her coffee all over herself five minutes after leaving the house. I'll always be the girl whose drink goes down the wrong way at a fancy schmancy do and chokes half to death trying to coax it into the right hole, and the girl who gets pissed off like a sniff of wine. I'll always be the girl who eats a share bag of revels in three minutes flat and the girl who will never like olives, no matter how hard she tries to force herself to (I've literally tried them about 12 times now...). Basically I'll always be myself, flaws and all, and you know what that is absolutely fine. It's all the 'bad stuff' - the messy hair, the stupid faces, the clumsiness and the pea for a head that make me me, and I am the only one. No one else can be you, so the next time you think to yourself 'I wish I was more x', have a word with yourself and be thankful for what you are.
In general in life, you are your own worst critic, no one else thinks about everything you've done or everything you are in such exquisite detail. No one else runs over in their head the things you said approximately three thousand times and wishes you hadn't said it. No one else probably even gave your choking fit a second thought, or your shiny nose, or your messy hair. We need to be kinder to ourselves, give ourselves a break, stop beating ourselves up about things that don't even really matter in the grand scheme of things. You're alive and kicking and you're doing your best, so stop stressing over every inch of your being that you seem to think isn't good enough because it's what makes you, you. We need to learn to celebrate our differences, I mean how boring would it be if we were all the same? If we all liked the same things, all dressed the same and all looked the same. I always think it's madness how we essentially all have two eyes, a nose and a mouth, but can look completely different. It's kind of like styling a piece of clothing in a way, we tend to see a lot of people wearing the same garms but the way in which they are styled and paired with other pieces can make them look completely different and unique to the wearer. I know it's so bloody hard not to compare yourself and not to wish you had thicker hair or thinner legs, I'm definitely guilty of it too, but I'm consciously trying to care less and be happy with the body I have, because it's mine and it's me and in the wise, wise words of Baz Luhrmann - it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own .
Rachael
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